I am not okay

For the past several weeks I have been severely depressed. I have had contemplations of suicide, which I even chastise myself for, but to which I can't help thinking upon.
I have become irrational. I have taken the actions of others around me and taken these things to heart and viewed them as slights against me and reflections upon me as a person. And in that I have become selfish.
Work is somewhere I strive to hold my shit together, because without my job I would be out on the street, literally.
When I am not at work, I seclude myself to my bed or my couch and attempt to watch Hulu on my iPad. I say attempt because most of the time it is just background noise while I cry or sleep to make my brain stop working overtime.
I spend most nights sleeping on my couch rather than in my bed because it is lonely there and snuggling up against a pillow is just pathetic to me any more.
It is a chore to get up in the morning, to pack myself a lunch I don't want to eat, to get dressed,etc. The one thing I do is take care of Sookie. She doesn't deserve to suffer because I am having a hard time.
I have tried to get better. I have wanted to get better. I have looked into counseling, psychiatric help, group therapy, etc. --trying to figure out what my insurance will cover and what I can afford. Which isn't much at all by the way.
I have tried to talk to friends. Some of them have been helpful through some of my worse bouts, and some have been very dismissive. A few weeks ago, I tried to reach out to a friend. Tried to tell them I was depressed and that I hadn't been okay and their response was for me to "stop it". Riiight. Believe me, if I could I would. This only made me feel worse and I took it as a slight against me and that turned into a four day spiral of crying, not eating, not showering, and ignoring everyone and everything. This is just an example of the little things that I allow to turn into something worse than it is. Again, irrational.
So the short of it is this, I am not okay. I don't know that I am going to be okay any time soon. I am just taking one day at a time and trying to hold it together. I try not to lie when people ask me how I am, but I do. I just want to get to the point where I can say "I'm okay" and be telling the truth. I don't need to be "good" or "great", I just need to be "okay". I'm hoping I can get there at some point in the near future.